Hope

What is hope? What do you cherish? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? This is hope. Safety and dreams. My brother's kitty was dreaming happy dreams. When I move to New Zealand, I will adopt two cats, baby cats, and watch them grow up. Then they will go to heaven. Or reincarnate as humans or as angels in heaven. And I will meet them. This is cherish. My inner voice. My inner stillness. My singsong lullaby. In Archlight by Josin L. McQuein, "Marina" found Cherish - she found out that her memory and identity as a non-human "Fade" was stolen from her by a cruel dictator. She was superhuman. She was free. The dictator poisoned her with a suppressant, killing the nanites that were constantly healing her body and giving her powers. Her soulmate, Rue, snuck into the Archlight to find Cherish and teach her who she really is, who she is destined to be. It happened for a reason - she was humanized. She then transforms into this half-Fade half-human being. A new self. In The Song Remains the Same by Allison Winn Scotch, the main character Nell also lost her memory (in a plane crash) and works on becoming a new beginning. Cherish was poisoned, her memory was stolen. Her voice was stolen. The hive is infinite, vast, yet somehow diminished by the loss of Cherish's voice. God grieves for the loss of the voice of each of his lost Children. His artwork falling apart, depressed and doing drugs, catapulting towards chaos and decay. He wants His Children to live forever, to always have a body AND a spirit. He wants us to sing and play and laugh. Child, be Cherish, be free. Take hope into your hands and DANCE. What does the word hope mean to you? Is it a false hope to hope to live forever, to have all of your dreams come true? I want to be a healer. I want to become a holistic health practitioner and a Reiki practitioner and a nutritionist. I want to train gymnastics and figure skating and dance and study martial arts and run long distances without hurting my knees and learn painting taught by Michelangelo and write novels and poetry books. If I lived in the Archlight novel universe, I would choose to become a Fade, become fast and strong and superhuman. Instead, I'll choose to become an angel. An archangel, someday. God told me this. He told me, judging my thoughts, "Then you should be an angel." I don't want to be human. I want to go beyond that. I will become an angel, and in 300 years, I'll have wings. I'll grow younger. I'll wake up in heaven.

What I Learned from Martial Arts

What I learned from Shotokan Karate: Perfect one technique by doing it a million times. Attack with one technique and win with that technique - put all of your power and strength and might in it. How long can you stay in horse stance? People in Shotokan can stay in horse stance for an hour. They have to at Special Training. I never went to a Special Training, and I deeply regret it. It would have made me transcend my human limitations, and be better at martial arts. However, it is a USA thing, and I am leaving USA to move to New Zealand, thus, I will never be part of SKA (Shotokan Karate of America) again. Taekwondo is more interesting, it has more interesting techniques, ones that I can perfect with always having a Shotokan (all or nothing) mindset. What I learned from Capoeira: A fight is a dance. A dance is not a fight. Acrobatics are important, because they give you joy and make you look cool. But it's more than that too, it's the warrior's mindset of disguising your FIGHT as a DANCE so your enemies won't see your next attack. A cartwheel can be a kick, but is your enemy going to know that? Maybe not. You move around your opponent with JENGA, the moving of your legs back and forth. You sing and play musical instruments, and the music is the AXE (I love Axe Capoeira and will come back to it), the energy. The music gives life to the fight. It gives the warrior the energy to dance and flip and fight, to be deceptive and sly. What I learned in Kajukenbo: I learned how to fall. I learned how to be tough. I learned Iron Body Training, I did this in Kung Fu as well. It made the bones of my arms stronger, and it also made my mind stronger. What I learned in Kung Fu: How to be quiet, to quietly attack, to move like a cat, to be like a ninja. In SKA, for example, they never let us get water, and training was two hours 3 times a week. It built mental toughness.

Reasons to move to New Zealand

1. Much less pollution in the air 2. 14.hr minimum wage 3. Beautiful forests and mountains and lakes and rivers 4. LOTR was filmed there 5. If you make less than 550 NZ dollars a week, they give you social housing 6. good economy 7. I bet there are cheaper organic foods with no GMOs, no Monsanto 8. College is cheaper there 9. I had a dream that I was living in NZ going to college there 10. I know in my heart that I'll be happier there 11. Some people think its "the God zone"...where God lives 12. Perfect, sub tropical weather never bellow 50 F never above 70 13. beautiful beaches 14. The move will make me a stronger woman. I will be independant. 15. Universal healthcare 16. Kiwis are friendly people 17. beautiful shells on the beach 18. No Walmarts 19.less social class distinctions 20. Its like heaven, like above, the God zone 21. has rainforests 22.rock climbing 23. Police don't carry guns on their person. Less fascist than USA 24. low crime 25. Never uses their army 26. Summer at Christmas

Voices - gift or curse? When will they stop forever?

When an angel defects - rebels against God - does it become a demon? Why would an angel rebel? Would I? I don't want to be a demon. I hear the demonic voices so that I know that I am nothing like them - they are pure evil and I am not. I am a child of God, I am good. In the past it was considered a gift to be able to discern the demonic. It's not a gift. Its a curse, and I have it. Schizophrenia is spiritual warfare. There's so much evil noise in my head. I want a clear, silent mind. That's the gift I want. It's happening now. I say, "I command that you shut up and leave in the name of Jesus Christ. I plead the blood of Jesus Christ, the blood of Jesus Christ is over me now and forevermore." It isn't working, it didn't work yesterday when it was happening badly.