Heaven

I have a dream of this beautiful, lovely world - and I just really hope it's real, so much that it brings tears to my eyes. There's a school in it, and all the people are free, and God lives there. People walk and talk with him. People talk to each other, and smoke weed, and run around dancing exploring the plants and trees and pathways. Couples smoke DMT together instead of having sex. No one is married. Angels and archangels have bodies and wings. In this world there are writing classes and swimming classes and gymnastics gyms and weight rooms and mimosa hostillis root bark and acacia bark growing freely, cannabis growing freelly, gardens to work in, cafaterias to eat in with friends, and I hope it is there for me, and for all my friends, and not just sky. I had these dreams - dreams about heaven school, dreams of swimming and dreams of gymnastics being so easily and peaceful and in the moment freeing. I dream about heaven all the time, and I hope it is real, and now I am sad and scared and angry at the universe every time I doubt that its real that is what I feel: anger, and emptiness, and sadness, for every doubt. But then I remember the works that God did: I lost my pen at the church, and when I was at home in my room it miraculously appeared on the floor of my room: God made a new one just like the one I lost. Its a small thing. He also made a duplicate of one of the Bibles I got at a church and put it in the basement. Once he told me all of these things, and I forget how he told me, when he told me, if its all real or if I'm just crazy. I just really hope I'm not just crazy and that heaven is all that I hope it is.

Jesus is always with us

http://faithtap.com/522/jesus-is-with-you/#t Watch this video, about Jesus walking with us and talking with us and saving us. :)

Seek love always

All of our storms will pass All of our storms will ceace I'm battling demonic voices And seeking peace of mind Tranquillity and silence With the echo of God's word I'll endure, and I'll be stronger because of it

Its the fight to end all fights Seek out peace Seek love Seek God's heart Embrace Jesus with love My arms are held open wide Waiting for God's compassionate loving embrace.

Never give up because God will NEVER give up on you. Keep going God will give you the right words to say the good thoughts to think The right words to inspire people The love you need to get through the day.

Mystical People die young

A nurse in a psychiatric hospital told me, "Mystical people die young." when I told her I used drugs to seek God, to be a mystical person. She also told me that there is formaldahyde (a poison) in weed, to stop it from smelling like weed. Then my friends told me to smell the weed: I could smell it, it had a beautiful scent, so there must not really formaldahyde in it, it was just what she said to get me to avoid weed. I'm sure - if there is cannabis in heaven - that it won't be tainted by poison, and I will wait for heaven to smoke it again, with a vaporizer. It is good to be mystical, to be christian, to seek God with all your heart soul and mind. Mystical people die young - but, God said to me, "because they go elsewhere." Heaven is a very real world, and I am a citizen of heaven. I died young, when I was twenty-three, in a different psychiatric hospital. The devil was tricking me and made me think that I am condemned, and said many nasty, gross, accusatory, degrading things, and now it talks to me every now and then, and God always forces it to stop, and one day he will force it to stop forever - that is what I hope anyways. I know I will endure and that the devil can't kill me nor can it snatch my heart or make me bow down and worship it. I will only worship the triune God - Jesus, Yahweh, and their Holy Spirit. I am going to go to heaven, it is a world where there is grass and a school and swimming pools and a gymnastic gym and maybe anything you could dare to dream about. I dream about heaven every day. Mystical people might die young, but no one dies forever, so its a good thing: I don't want to grow old, and I never will. I'm on a heavenly journey on Earth, I am just visiting this planet and passing by. My purpose here is to help my family to be happy and to help them to believe in Jesus so they won't ever wake up in hell. I'm also here to learn: to learn how to endure, to learn how to wait patiently, to experience joy, to grow in love for God. I don't know if all mystical people die young, or if I am even mystical. I am christian, and I am an angel, and those two labels are all I need. All I need is God. God loves everybody, and his perfect, unfailing love saves me.

Aaron Dottle told me "More like an angel" while we were talking about DMT. He is in heaven now, and he is an angel, and in five hundred years I will go to Peru with him. That's what God told me.

God rose me from the dead, and now I will NEVER die! The truth is so glorious, and the truth will set you free!

Believing

I don't want to tell people what I believe. They will just judge me, and tell me I'm wrong. They tell me to read the Bible. I do read the Bible. Every day. I talk to God - pray - every day. I appreciate the gift of every moment. I believe no one but the devil stays in hell forever. I believe I will do gymnastics in heaven, forever. I heard once: it's okay if no one else believes like you. Because it DOESN'T actually matter what other people think. It only matters what GOD thinks of us and of what we think and believe. I can't wait for my new king james version leather Bible to come, I am going to read it from the beginning of the old testament, I am going to study it and read it to understand and read it to memorize it. I am going to write verses down. I might fast, but God told me I don't need to. I want to lay down outside at night and look at the stars and talk to God, just telling him everything on my mind. It's too cold now, but Spring will come, and my knee will heal, and I'll go back to the gym, and God will keep all of His promises. When I wake up on a bed in heaven, I will see that everything I believed is true.

What I do when I hear demonic voices

All antipyschotics can do is destroy my mind. They can't even stop the voices. I want the demonic voices to stop, but antipsychotics can't make them stop, because they don't come from my own mind. The voices make me depressed, and they hurt my mind. However, God talks to me too, and He always makes the voices stop. Sometimes I wonder why this has to happen, and why it doesn't stop forever. I know and trust that it WILL stop forever. God will just make it stop and it will never happen again. But a doctor at a psychiatric hospital once told me that all pharmaceuticals are toxic to some degree. I know that God will never let me put something toxic into my body, which is a holy temple of God. I won't defile my body, not with anything. My mom forces me to take risperadol and seroquel as a condition for me staying in her apartment. I believe God turns them into sugar each time I take them. He can: the Bible says he turned water into wine. If He can turn water into wine, then he can turn risperodal into sugar, and when I get the shot, sugar-water. I find it so embarrassing that they make me take a shot. Psychiatric hospitals always helped me, though, even though I never considered myself to be "mentally ill." Different, maybe, but not ill. Talk therapy with a compassionate listener is always more helpful than pills ever could be, even though right now I don't have access to talk therapy. There is nothing wrong with my mind. But I am oppressed by demons and the devil, and when it happens (hearing evil voices) it feels like there is no hope. There must be hope, though, there is always hope, Jesus always saves me, and there is always hope. I hope that I will never hear demonic voices again, and always when it happens I try to think good thoughts, and read the Bible, and pray, and it usually takes hours on end for the voices to stop and for me to have a tranquil mind. I wonder if Gotu Kola would stop me from being depressed. I try to take it daily but often I forget to. I know God will heal my mind. I am waiting for the day when I will know that I will never hear demonic voices again, and then the day when I will wake up on a bed in heaven. Both of those days will come, and I will learn how to be patient and wait.

Trusting God Fully

Renew your relationship with Jesus each day. Pray every morning, and every night. The book of Mathew tells us to go and pray in the secrecy of our room, and not to use too many words because the Lord already knows what we need, and to fast in secret and not for the merit of men, not to improve what your peers think of you, but to please the Holy Spirit, and to store up treasures in heaven and not treasures on earth. This is important because it is what God's Word tells us.

Once in a Sunday school class when I was a child, they told me to do good deeds in secret, and not to tell other people about what I do. I remember that day like it was yesterday. That same Sunday school class also told me that we should trust the Lord even if we don't understand, because He is all-knowing and he knows what we need and what the world needs better than we ever can, so for example, I don't understand why being gay is so wrong, but for God, it is sexual immorality, so I accept His holy teaching, even though I don't understand. They don't hurt anybody: but they hurt themselves, because sex is dirty and sinful. I was raped in a nightmare that I had. He didn't even ask. I consented to kissing, but not to sex. When I had sex with Fluffy, at least he asked me first if it was okay. I said yes because I was bored and because I didn't know how to say no, and because we weren't married, and because he isn't the man I want to marry, it was sexually immoral. I trust God's wisdom above all else.

Maybe we can never fully understand, never be worthy enough, but God forgives us for our shortcomings, for not being enough. God's truth is what I seek, and His friendship and affection is all I truly need. I WANT a gym to go to, to lift weights, and to take dance classes, and to have a gymnastics gym with a foam pit and soft big mats to train in (and I am sure I will have it when I am in heaven - it is the treasure waiting for me in heaven. I will have that bright red longsleeved leotard I dreamed about - it is the treasure stored up for me in heaven. I feel my love for gymnastics.). I want clothing, but God says not to worry about clothing. I love wearing long flowing dresses and dancing, and, when I am meditating, swaying with my soul. But God will give me everything I need, and really all I need is God.

So be at peace, friends who are reading this. Leave a comment and tell me what you think.