On past sins wiped away clean as snow.

Have you done something so terrible in the past that you can't even speak of it? You shun it, because it was evil, and you disown that part of yourself. It's just a stain, love erases it. It dissolves in the water I am going to swim in, and it exists no more. The same is true for you and your sins: Jesus's love erases all the stains. Even if it doesn't feel like its gone, it is, and you actually WON'T do it again, even though you're very scared that you will, and that you will die forever because of it. But you won't. There are no second deaths. God raises the dead, and when you accept Jesus into your heart and make him a part of your life, he completely forgives you. Eventually, you will choose to forgive yourself too, and the feelings will come later. Love is a decision. Forgiveness is a decision.

In my past life I was a rapist. I am not a rapist in this life. Yes, I believe I lived a past life. I was in hell, and I was in heaven. You can get out of hell. Its okay if no one believes like me, and I know that I won't wake up in hell EVER. Christianity is my religion, and Jesus is my savior. I don't need to pick between different denominations. That divides us. When we are united we are strong; strong with God's love.

I am constantly scared that I'll make a mistake and do something terrible, and hurt somebody that I love dearly. I know God will never let me. I'm not the person that I once was. I am a new person. I am an angel. I will never die, because I already did. I am waiting to wake up in heaven.

My journey to becoming christian

I wasn't raised in a faith environment, I went to church as a child until I was around ten to twelve but for some reason I always wanted to go to church but not enough to ask my parents to take me there, but nonetheless, I became christian, and someone invited me to church when I was in Pittsburgh. I had been going to a church in South Side every now and then not really believing but loving church and then someone invited me to a church called The Upper Room, and we sang a song "You're the center of the universe, everything was made in you, Jesus" I forget most of the lyrics but nonetheless now it is one of my favorite songs (People from the upper room, if you know the lyrics mention me) and then a devil started talking to me and decieving me and I went to a hospital and Jesus started talking to me and he told me I would always wake up, it took me a long time to believe in him but when a demon told me "Jesus is dead" I instinctively knew that it was a lie, and the voice caused me to believe he is alive because a voice that ugly has to be a lie, so I knew because of the voice that God let me hear, that Jesus is alive. Then I went to a hospital still plagued by demons and devils and accepted death after Jesus said "I'll find you" which means he will come and carry my soul into a new body and later carry me and my new body to heaven. Now I trust him so much and believe in him and go to a church in Maryland, and I love that church, there is another one called Dayspring Church that I went to once and I really want to go back but its in Germantown and my mom isn't willing to drive me there and stay and wait for me to be done I wish she would just come with me and worship the Lord with me but she remains mostly an athiest her doubt when I talk about heaven with her tests my faith. But my faith is strong enough to hold out because it is Jesus's faith because he is in my heart. I love you all...this is part of my story of how I became truly Christian. Thanks to everyone on the way that helped me find my faith thanks Josh and Mike and Kaitlin and Jenna and everyone from the Upper Room, and thanks to my friends at DUMC and for the people at Dayspring Church and the people from the psychiatric hospital I was in because of spiritual warfare, all the people that God used to talk to me and help me through. And the biggest thank you to Jesus and Yahweh and the Holy Spirit!

My grandparents are dead - My grandparents are ALIVE!!!

My grandmother Gaggy died a long time ago and now she is in heaven growing younger. She was named Calliope, and I was named after her (Cali is my name not Calliope although some people think of me as Calliope because I used to go by Calliope), and she changed her name legally to Carol. I had a dream that might have been about her roommate. Its hard for me to see myself as Calliope because I don't want to BE her, and for a long time I was afraid of her. The last moment of mine with her, she loved me so much I did not understand how anyone could love that much...but she had beautiful love in her she was old and dying and had memory loss but she remembered me and now God tells me that she is growing younger. I was afraid of her age I never want to grow old and because I already died and became an angel I know in my heart (and hope) that I will never grow old like she did. Once God told me through Gaggy's loving voice that I'm unique, and that Pappoo (my grandfather) is in hell. I know that he will get out and go to heaven, if he hasn't already. I think he abused Gaggy, but I could be wrong. I see them as Gaggy and Pappoo, they were my grandparents, but one day they will be my age. I barely know my Grandma Arlene, but she died too, she was Jewish, she loved me but I barely ever saw her, she had cancer and died of it and is in heaven or hell I don't know. But I think she was a good person that believed in God, even if she didn't believe the way I do, on a Christian journey, loving God and His Son Jesus and my neighbors and my enemies. I don't know if she ever read the Bible. I barely remember Papa Sky, Grandma Arlene's ex-husband (at least I think he is her ex). The abused my dad, Lee. Once he was locked out of the house and had to come in through the window. My dad threw me on the ground, but I forgive him. My mom was emotionally abusive whenever she was/is angry, but I know she loved me - loves me - and she always apologizes and holds my hand when I'm scared. I pray that God heals her cervical cancer. I am a writer - and a dancer and a gymnast at heart - one day I will flip freely in the gymnastic gym with cheese mats and foam pits and big soft mats and trampolines and trampolene tumbling tracks with a big mat at the end and one day I will do gymnastics in the grass outside in heaven. I'll be free, and I'll talk with Gaggy and Arlene and Edgar (Pappoo) and Aaron Dotle and all his angel friends and Peter Panagas (one of my ancestors who my brother Peter was named after.) In fifty years I will start talking with Damon again from the bottom of my heart. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have so much love for everybody, because God loved me first I love.

When I go: In heaven :) I know I will because of the signs God has given me

God made me a new pen out of dust identical to the one I lost. Twice! He put it in my hand. He raised me from the dead, giving me a body identical to the one I lost, but an immortal body is the body God gave me. He also made a new bible identical to the one I got free at the church and put it in the basement.

When I go to heaven, and my mom thinks I am dead, maybe she will start to believe that I am in heaven, and will want to go there to see me again, so she will mourn, but believe, and she will go to heaven when she dies. I will talk to her about God and heaven: I will speak truth, and try to inspire her and show her love. She needs emotional and mental healing, and she is always exhausted and I hope that once she believes God will heal her. He will give her her teeth back when she is in heaven.

When I wake up in heaven, I will see God face to face, and He will hug me, and I'll go get my schedule for classes, and then I will put my red leotard on and go see the gymnastics gym and start doing drills and start trying to flip. I will jump into the foam pit before I do a back tuck into it, and someone will spot me and help me to do a back handspring, and I will do it with a spotter a thousand times before I try to do it without a spotter. I will learn gymnastics slowly, but I will learn gymnastics, and be able to do it. Then I will go talk to Aaron Dottle, and if God says it is good, me and Aaron will smoke DMT together and talk and feel peaceful. My wings will grow. I will go to literature classes and writing classes. I will flip. I will take ballet and other dance classes, a dance class like the one on one dance class I dreamed about. I will take meditation classes and swimming classes and maybe a water meditation class like the one I dreamed about with the blue polka dot bathing suit. Maybe I'll have that bathing suit: I hope I do.

Secrets

I really really want to do gymnastics forever.

I think I was born on a differet planet than the one I was born on. Everything just adds up, and I know in my heart that I'm right and there's an Aaron Dottle in heaven and one on this earth. I'll meet the other Cali. Ashley really told me that she died and met Jesus and he told her that he wanted to teach her. The other Ashley kept talking about oracle cards and being a goddess so she must NOT be the Ashley that told me that she met Jesus, the Ashley whose heart stopped, the Ashley who died. And my retired pastor who once was my conductor told me I played the Mendelson peice for my solo when I know it was the other piece that Mr. Shapiro picked out for me that I can't remember. And my mom told me I said things that I know I didn't say. I KNOW that I am not just losing my memory and remembering things wrong. I KNOW that I'm not crazy and that God and demons really talk to me, and I pray for the gift of discernment and for revelations, so I know when its God. I know the trees look kind of different than the trees I saw my whole life. I've been here for a year, and I died a little bit more than a year ago, and I died in a psychiatric hospital, and God hid my death from everyone and I was dead for ten minutes and then Jesus put me in my new body and put me on my death bed and put my dead body in a refrigerator in heaven. I know its true because it makes sense: I blacked out and then woke up suprised to be alive. Before I died I thought I was condemmed forever and in a hospital in hell. For a long time I thought everyone on this planet were demons. Then God told me the truth, that they are different versions of the people on the other planet that I know and love. I hope I'm right because I REALLY REALLY want to train gymnastics and ballet and Oom Yung Doe forever and ever, and figure skating and kung fu. I love gymnastics so much, even more than I love DMT and Cannabis, I used to REALLY want DMT now I really don't care as much about DMT. Aaron Dottle told me "More like an angel" while we were talking about DMT and I LOVE DMT and I know Aaron is an angel and I can feel wings on my back so I know I'm an angel too.

Heaven

Heaven is above earth. Maybe when it was being formed God formed it's sky before He formed the grass and trees and buildings and put it all above the earth but not in the solar system/outerspace but in a separate dimension above earth. I believe there is a school in heaven and the classes we will take are unlike anything you can ever find on earth much more peaceful and liberating. Also there are probably many heavens and heaven grows every day, every day God creates more heaven, so there is room for everyone that exists everyone born before us and everyone that will be born after us. We are all on earth for a reason to spread God's love and compassion, and everyone needs compassion to carry on. "The truth shall set you free." "Don't conform to the patterns of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." God is real. He loves everyone and will destroy the devil someday. Focus on Jesus, meditate on his words. He's alive in heaven waiting to embrace us in a hug. But my common sense tells me that heaven isn't just sky because no one can fly twenty four seven. I have flying dreams all the time and I dream of gymnastics and really feel flight and feel ariels and flips and handsprings so I know someday I will be an angel and I will learn gymnastics and learn to fly in three hundred years. Remember to love everybody and to pray for people that need help.

Poetry

Love is a response to the unknown; a vivid portrait of those life-altering moments stained with equal parts hope and melancholy, peace and sadness, love and joy, we reach forward with our fingers, flying towards the sun, waiting for heaven. My mind is altered by the will of God: he puts DMT in my brain, and I float in the peaceful blue sky. I will soar like I soar in my dreams, the way I fly in my dreams like I’ve been flying forever. Life is the moments that take our breath away: the moment the rhythm of our breath slows down and we listen to our heartbeat. I march to the beat of a different drummer: God, and his Son, and his angels, his people in heaven, his people on earth. I declare an oath: that I am Christian, and will never forsake the Lord. We will do this forever. I will sing and play guitar, play flute, flip on big mats, with a spotter. I don’t have any words to write. God will give me the right words. My pineal gland is a gift from God. It’s not calcified, because God gave me a new body, and since then, he has not allowed any poison in my body.